Disney Date Recap
If you've ever wondered what a 3 day first date to Disney World is like, then THIS is the blog post for you. For the sake of not getting sued, we'll call him "Tacky Tim"...
Friday
5:51pm - Plane lands at Orlando International Airport, Text to Tacky Tim, who expects my plane to arrive at 6pm
6:05pm - Text from Tacky Tim that he won't be there until at least 6:30pm (well after my flight is due to arrive) *Note: I offered to grab an uber to meet him so he didn't have to fetch me and to expedite matters
6:45pm - Tacky Tim finally arrives to pick me up, we get in his car and have an awkward ride to Disney World; he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt, hiking shoes, and tri-colored dark socks pulled half way up his calf...and a fanny pack
7:15ish - Tacky Tim scams his way into parking at the Polynesian by lying to the security guard, we get in line for a Dole Whip where he promptly leaves me b/c he's old and apparently needs to piss every five seconds; he comes back, we buy these frozen pineapple concoctions, and then for some odd reason we walk lazily around the Polynesian Property while we are missing our FastPass time for Space Mountain
7:45pm - 4am
-Tacky Tim pulls a plastic "bladder" full of rum out of his pants to pour into the Dole Whips, then tucks it back into his crotch area in order to sneak it into the Magic Kingdom.
-He lies in order to get us into the FastPass line at Space Mountain since he failed to get us there on time, then he starts jumping up and down and sticking his butt out yelling "grab my ass! grab my ass!"--I stare at him blankly
-Space Mountain rules (it was my white whale--bailed on it when I was 8 b/c I was scared, it was closed for construction when I went 9 years ago) and then he insults said ride because it's old, while I'm thinking he's no spring chicken
-He gets lost in this park he supposedly knows so well, we take too long to head toward the second FastPass that we are well over an hour late for at Splash Mountain when I draw his attention to the fact that it's 9:08pm and he keeps talking about the fireworks that we will miss if we don't stop; he stops, drags me back across to the "perfect" spot to see the fireworks (it wasn't)
-On our way, he wants to stop for lemonade...we stop...he then pulls out a bladder of vodka from his pants that he's been hiding to fill up the lemonade...it's not very tasty
-During the fireworks he starts randomly yelling "purple! yellow! purple and green!" when the big fireworks were colors; me being a normal person (for the most part), I feel embarrassed by this 43 year old tacky ass man who has no regard for anyone else's comfort level; he also keeps making sex jokes within earshot of children
-I'm not drunk enough for his antics and the booze he's packin' ain't tasty enough to get me there
-We do Haunted Mansion, he keeps trying to talk about sex, and mansplains everything
-We go to Splash Mountain, he continues his sexual overtures in front of large crowds of people, yells and sings loudly with the weird music on the ride, and calls the ladies in front of us "heavy" while also remarking on his estimate of my weight
-Big Thunder Mountain Railroad is next...again he lies to get into the Fast Pass lane
-Magic Kingdom closes and we take the Monorail back to the Polynesian and I tell him I need some food, having been traveling and not had food since mid-afternoon; he gets annoyed by the fact that I want to find food, but complies and we get food and booze
-We go to Trader Sam's (at the Polynesian), we drink, I finally get into a decent mood as I've eaten and I'm having decent wine
-We go out onto the beach at the Polynesian and he pokes at me about personal stuff (about 6 hours after we've met) until he gets me all worked up and I cry
-In his defense, he's very nice about this and says lots of nice things about me, we stay up very late talking and connecting, I feel better and think MAYBE he's a good guy
-Back at the hotel room, we talk more and are up until 4am, we sleep in separate rooms
Saturday
Noon - he wakes me up by playing loud music in the connecting room (he was not up earlier than me btw); we get up, get ready quickly, and rush to Hollywood Studios to make a reservation for lunch that he made, no time to ride anything
2:15pm - lunch at a great Italian restaurant in Hollywood Studios, food was good, I drank a lot of wine (and blueberry vodka lemonade before that); he talks to the waiter so much and drags it out to the point where we're there until 4ish; I was enjoying myself, not worrying about anything, but then he gets crazy b/c we have to be at the Animal Kingdom for a Fastpass, which he didn't mention before
4:30pm - we get to Animal Kingdom, didn't get the Fastpass for Expedition Everest because we were late, so we got in line for Kali River Rapids...they shut down the ride for a storm that passes through so we didn't get on it as by the time we gave up, we only had 15 minutes until our dinner reservation (yes he made our lunch res and dinner res within 5 hours of each other)
6:30pm - arrive at Tiffins in the Magic Kingdom, food was good, we both had good alcohol intake, then he started chatting with the waiter again and we were there fore 2 hours again
8:30pm - 11:30pm
-We hit the Safari, Expedition Everest, Kali River Rapids, and then went back to the hotel...both drunk
11:30pm - 4am
-You do the math, it was fun
Sunday
11am - he wakes me up with loud music again and tells me we have to be out of the room by noon and that we have to rush to Epcot for a lunch reservation as well
11:45am - I'm packed, showered, and ready to go...he's taking forever
12:15pm - We get to Epcot, again no time to do anything before the reservation, we eat and he asks me to pay for it (I've offered at every meal to share the expense, but to flat out ask me to cover the bill?) and I do to prove a point; during lunch he keeps flirting with the Italian waitress and is trying to make me jealous; we rush off to the Magic Kingdom because he made Fastpass reservations for the EXACT SAME RIDES that we rode on Friday night
3:15pm - We barely make it in time for the three FastPasses for Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
5:00pm - he practically forces me to order a hot dog and french fries, during which a woman in front of us was being awful, but instead of just leaving it alone he starts making sarcastic comments, won't listen to me about which line to get into, drags me from line to line instead of just waiting, and then a storm starts rolling in; we finally get the food and drinks, and he drags me outside in the rain to run to the monorail without letting me eat any of the food he told me to get
5:30pm - we make it one stop to the Contemporary and he says he thinks we should wait out the storm (which is what I said back in MK in the restaurant); we stop, sit in the lounge, and we both make a "quick call" to our dads; I get off the phone with my dad, he's still talking...for over an hour while I just cool my heels, even though he was the one so urgently trying to get to Epcot when the storm hit
7:00pm - 9:30pm
-We actually get to Epcot, he drags me all over the place, won't listen to me, won't let me stop to get food later, won't let me sit down to recover from motion sickness, argues with me about everything, and then basically tells me to shut up until we get to the hotel
-Example:
Tacky Tim: Here eat some of this granola bar, it has banana and coconut in it
Me: No thank you I don't like banana or coconut
TT: It has almonds and chocolate too
Me: No thank you I don't want it
TT: (Tries to shove a part of it into my face)
Me: I get pissed and tell him no again, tell him to listen to what I'm saying
TT: He mocks me
-Second Example:
Me: I'm not feeling well, got a little motion sick
TT: You like fine, you'll be fine
Me: I'm sure I will be, but right now I'm nauseated
TT: You'll be fine (as he drags me to Test Track where he mansplains cars to me)
Me: (after Test Track), I need to go to the bathroom and get some water
TT: Starts looking at a Chevy Traverse and asking the Chevy rep about the car for over 20 minutes, completely disregarding me
(I walk in to the gift shop to look for some things and he gets annoyed at how long I'm taking b/c he's suddenly done)
10:00pm - We get to the hotel, take our bags in, and I'm hungry (as he well knows); he wouldn't stop for fast food, claims there is good at the hotel, then when we get our bags into the room he gets pissed that I want to take time to get food; he's grumpy AF, walking off without me, barely talking to me
Monday
8am - My alarm goes off so I can get ready and to the airport to catch my flight; he "shushes" me; I ask, "did you just shush me", he says yes and then throws a pillow over his face, and say "I have a flight to catch dude."
8:15am - I get up, turn on only the bathroom light, stay as quiet as possible, pack all my things, and leave without saying goodbye (I actually tried to lightly wake him to say goodbye but he didn't budge)
Other Info:
Friday
5:51pm - Plane lands at Orlando International Airport, Text to Tacky Tim, who expects my plane to arrive at 6pm
6:05pm - Text from Tacky Tim that he won't be there until at least 6:30pm (well after my flight is due to arrive) *Note: I offered to grab an uber to meet him so he didn't have to fetch me and to expedite matters
6:45pm - Tacky Tim finally arrives to pick me up, we get in his car and have an awkward ride to Disney World; he's wearing a Hawaiian shirt, hiking shoes, and tri-colored dark socks pulled half way up his calf...and a fanny pack
7:15ish - Tacky Tim scams his way into parking at the Polynesian by lying to the security guard, we get in line for a Dole Whip where he promptly leaves me b/c he's old and apparently needs to piss every five seconds; he comes back, we buy these frozen pineapple concoctions, and then for some odd reason we walk lazily around the Polynesian Property while we are missing our FastPass time for Space Mountain
7:45pm - 4am
-Tacky Tim pulls a plastic "bladder" full of rum out of his pants to pour into the Dole Whips, then tucks it back into his crotch area in order to sneak it into the Magic Kingdom.
-He lies in order to get us into the FastPass line at Space Mountain since he failed to get us there on time, then he starts jumping up and down and sticking his butt out yelling "grab my ass! grab my ass!"--I stare at him blankly
-Space Mountain rules (it was my white whale--bailed on it when I was 8 b/c I was scared, it was closed for construction when I went 9 years ago) and then he insults said ride because it's old, while I'm thinking he's no spring chicken
-He gets lost in this park he supposedly knows so well, we take too long to head toward the second FastPass that we are well over an hour late for at Splash Mountain when I draw his attention to the fact that it's 9:08pm and he keeps talking about the fireworks that we will miss if we don't stop; he stops, drags me back across to the "perfect" spot to see the fireworks (it wasn't)
-On our way, he wants to stop for lemonade...we stop...he then pulls out a bladder of vodka from his pants that he's been hiding to fill up the lemonade...it's not very tasty
-During the fireworks he starts randomly yelling "purple! yellow! purple and green!" when the big fireworks were colors; me being a normal person (for the most part), I feel embarrassed by this 43 year old tacky ass man who has no regard for anyone else's comfort level; he also keeps making sex jokes within earshot of children
-I'm not drunk enough for his antics and the booze he's packin' ain't tasty enough to get me there
-We do Haunted Mansion, he keeps trying to talk about sex, and mansplains everything
-We go to Splash Mountain, he continues his sexual overtures in front of large crowds of people, yells and sings loudly with the weird music on the ride, and calls the ladies in front of us "heavy" while also remarking on his estimate of my weight
-Big Thunder Mountain Railroad is next...again he lies to get into the Fast Pass lane
-Magic Kingdom closes and we take the Monorail back to the Polynesian and I tell him I need some food, having been traveling and not had food since mid-afternoon; he gets annoyed by the fact that I want to find food, but complies and we get food and booze
-We go to Trader Sam's (at the Polynesian), we drink, I finally get into a decent mood as I've eaten and I'm having decent wine
-We go out onto the beach at the Polynesian and he pokes at me about personal stuff (about 6 hours after we've met) until he gets me all worked up and I cry
-In his defense, he's very nice about this and says lots of nice things about me, we stay up very late talking and connecting, I feel better and think MAYBE he's a good guy
-Back at the hotel room, we talk more and are up until 4am, we sleep in separate rooms
Saturday
Noon - he wakes me up by playing loud music in the connecting room (he was not up earlier than me btw); we get up, get ready quickly, and rush to Hollywood Studios to make a reservation for lunch that he made, no time to ride anything
2:15pm - lunch at a great Italian restaurant in Hollywood Studios, food was good, I drank a lot of wine (and blueberry vodka lemonade before that); he talks to the waiter so much and drags it out to the point where we're there until 4ish; I was enjoying myself, not worrying about anything, but then he gets crazy b/c we have to be at the Animal Kingdom for a Fastpass, which he didn't mention before
4:30pm - we get to Animal Kingdom, didn't get the Fastpass for Expedition Everest because we were late, so we got in line for Kali River Rapids...they shut down the ride for a storm that passes through so we didn't get on it as by the time we gave up, we only had 15 minutes until our dinner reservation (yes he made our lunch res and dinner res within 5 hours of each other)
6:30pm - arrive at Tiffins in the Magic Kingdom, food was good, we both had good alcohol intake, then he started chatting with the waiter again and we were there fore 2 hours again
8:30pm - 11:30pm
-We hit the Safari, Expedition Everest, Kali River Rapids, and then went back to the hotel...both drunk
11:30pm - 4am
-You do the math, it was fun
Sunday
11am - he wakes me up with loud music again and tells me we have to be out of the room by noon and that we have to rush to Epcot for a lunch reservation as well
11:45am - I'm packed, showered, and ready to go...he's taking forever
12:15pm - We get to Epcot, again no time to do anything before the reservation, we eat and he asks me to pay for it (I've offered at every meal to share the expense, but to flat out ask me to cover the bill?) and I do to prove a point; during lunch he keeps flirting with the Italian waitress and is trying to make me jealous; we rush off to the Magic Kingdom because he made Fastpass reservations for the EXACT SAME RIDES that we rode on Friday night
3:15pm - We barely make it in time for the three FastPasses for Space Mountain, Splash Mountain, and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
5:00pm - he practically forces me to order a hot dog and french fries, during which a woman in front of us was being awful, but instead of just leaving it alone he starts making sarcastic comments, won't listen to me about which line to get into, drags me from line to line instead of just waiting, and then a storm starts rolling in; we finally get the food and drinks, and he drags me outside in the rain to run to the monorail without letting me eat any of the food he told me to get
5:30pm - we make it one stop to the Contemporary and he says he thinks we should wait out the storm (which is what I said back in MK in the restaurant); we stop, sit in the lounge, and we both make a "quick call" to our dads; I get off the phone with my dad, he's still talking...for over an hour while I just cool my heels, even though he was the one so urgently trying to get to Epcot when the storm hit
7:00pm - 9:30pm
-We actually get to Epcot, he drags me all over the place, won't listen to me, won't let me stop to get food later, won't let me sit down to recover from motion sickness, argues with me about everything, and then basically tells me to shut up until we get to the hotel
-Example:
Tacky Tim: Here eat some of this granola bar, it has banana and coconut in it
Me: No thank you I don't like banana or coconut
TT: It has almonds and chocolate too
Me: No thank you I don't want it
TT: (Tries to shove a part of it into my face)
Me: I get pissed and tell him no again, tell him to listen to what I'm saying
TT: He mocks me
-Second Example:
Me: I'm not feeling well, got a little motion sick
TT: You like fine, you'll be fine
Me: I'm sure I will be, but right now I'm nauseated
TT: You'll be fine (as he drags me to Test Track where he mansplains cars to me)
Me: (after Test Track), I need to go to the bathroom and get some water
TT: Starts looking at a Chevy Traverse and asking the Chevy rep about the car for over 20 minutes, completely disregarding me
(I walk in to the gift shop to look for some things and he gets annoyed at how long I'm taking b/c he's suddenly done)
10:00pm - We get to the hotel, take our bags in, and I'm hungry (as he well knows); he wouldn't stop for fast food, claims there is good at the hotel, then when we get our bags into the room he gets pissed that I want to take time to get food; he's grumpy AF, walking off without me, barely talking to me
Monday
8am - My alarm goes off so I can get ready and to the airport to catch my flight; he "shushes" me; I ask, "did you just shush me", he says yes and then throws a pillow over his face, and say "I have a flight to catch dude."
8:15am - I get up, turn on only the bathroom light, stay as quiet as possible, pack all my things, and leave without saying goodbye (I actually tried to lightly wake him to say goodbye but he didn't budge)
Other Info:
- He walked 5-15ft ahead of me almost the whole time - I told him his legs were longer and I couldn't keep up, asked him to walk slower, and he didn't even pay attention or bother
- He yells random shit at people
- He chews with his mouth open
- He wears tacky ass clothing
- He believes I couldn't possibly know more about anything than he does
- He thinks he knows more about what I need than I do
- He tells me everything I "should" be doing and everything I'm doing wrong
- He talks about money all the time--claims he's not rich, but then tells me how much he paid for his car, his house, his hippie ass green energy for his house, etc.
- He acts like he's rich--as in he has no regard for anyone but himself...he's selfish, arrogant, narcissistic, and feels entitled to do whatever the fuck he wants
- I told him I wanted to ride Spaceship Earth (Epcot), Tea Cups (MK), Rock n' Roller Coaster (Hollywood), and Tower of Terror (Hollywood) at the beginning of the trip, he said we would, he wouldn't make time for that
- I told him I wanted to use a FastPass to do a Meet and Greet with Mickey for my nephew and he wouldn't do it
And the best part?
HE'S STILL MARRIED! Yeah, found that out a little too late. He said "divorced" so I asked if it was final or still pending, he said pending, so I asked if he had actually filed...NOPE. So he's still just straight up married.
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